Jerry, you need to find god
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
