I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
