Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
