he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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