i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
