I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
