Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
