Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
FUCK WHALES
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
