There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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