In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
