When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
