Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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