Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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