peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We have started to decorate penises.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
