Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
