I accidentally had phone sex last night
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i've created a new STD.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
