i just had sex bonerless
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
