I just threw up on my dentist
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
