We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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