I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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