i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
