Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
