I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
