Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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