I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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