she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
