The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
