you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
