fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
