dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
