I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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