he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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