Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
