I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
do herpes really smell.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
