Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
