It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
