dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate all girls vehemently.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
