Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
