hell yes lets make some ravioli
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
