the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
