Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
