i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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