Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
