On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
