Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
