I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
