I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm always down for nudity.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
