What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
