Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
