Where did you get a picture of my penis
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
