I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
