sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
