Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
