He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
