Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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