Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
